On the Floor

I have been away from this blog for a while, a winter's dive into the dark water beneath ice, or the dark space between galaxies.  Not depressed.  No despair, nothing of that sort, but a place that isn't altogether here or now.  "I" return to the light, or someone returns, maybe not quite the "I" of before. 
​There are a few times like this when life takes us to the floor, to the absence of thought, past principles and concepts, to the bottom of inarticulate emotion; an emptying out of oneself, of who and what we are.  This transformative process can’t be willed or summoned, though there are traditional practices that try to create a spiritual route to them – the ordeal of the Sundance or initiation.   

The new land of one’s arrival is clean, a state to be treasured, along with the arrival of what came through the door while you were gone, were open to the intense presence of the universe sweeping through.  So much falls away.  Opinions and attitudes and reactions aren’t important.  In fact, afterwards, one would do anything to preserve and protect this new, clean truth.  ​​I am reminded of the teaching of the mother bear – she doesn’t at first take her new cubs to places other bears gather.  We do well to follow her example.  When something this precious comes - this sweet brokenness - we are wise to only share with those who know the territory, who can behave tenderly toward this new arrival of spirit, of soul.  Who won’t use too many words, who know something about the tending of ecstatic states.​
In the process of living we form stepping stones, safe places to rest the demands of living, the fragility of life, the vast philosophical, spiritual unknown.  We construct with care, holding to some experiences and beliefs, letting others go.  In our early years, we evaluate, claim and reject until we have an edifice to support us.  It’s hard work, but we gain confidence and feel like we know something about life. 
Then – if we are lucky – it is all swept away.  But instead of terror or loss, we find ourselves relieved.  Unburdened.  Blessed.  Ecstatic.  Grateful that something true and pure arrived, something we longed for all along.  
I am here and not here, in a place and time where currents are strong and the wind blows hard, past belief and into knowing.  Radical love.  Radical trust.