I have been away from this blog for a while, a winter's dive into the dark water beneath ice, or the dark space between galaxies. Not depressed. No despair, nothing of that sort, but a place that isn't altogether here or now. "I" return to the light, or someone returns, maybe not quite the "I" of before. There are a few times like this when life takes us to the floor, to the absence of thought, past principles and concepts, to the bottom of inarticulate emotion; an emptying out of oneself, of who and what we are. This transformative process can’t be willed or summoned, though there are traditional practices that try to create a spiritual route to them – the ordeal of the Sundance or initiation. |
In the process of living we form stepping stones, safe places to rest the demands of living, the fragility of life, the vast philosophical, spiritual unknown. We construct with care, holding to some experiences and beliefs, letting others go. In our early years, we evaluate, claim and reject until we have an edifice to support us. It’s hard work, but we gain confidence and feel like we know something about life.
Then – if we are lucky – it is all swept away. But instead of terror or loss, we find ourselves relieved. Unburdened. Blessed. Ecstatic. Grateful that something true and pure arrived, something we longed for all along.
I am here and not here, in a place and time where currents are strong and the wind blows hard, past belief and into knowing. Radical love. Radical trust.